Chris Writes Stuff

One year ago, I got cut in half and then put back together.  The new plumbing may not work as well, but at least it isn't trying to kill me. It's been one year since the surgery, 9 months since chemo and 8 months since I went back to work.  I've been snowboarding in the mountains and boogie boarding in the ocean.  I've installed two sinks and a sliding glass door.  I've seen concerts and fireworks.  I've played pickleball and basketball.  Life is pretty great. Oh yeah, I had another CT scan this morning.  It came back clean. When I was diagnosed, it was bad.  Then I got a series of scans (CT, MRI, PET) and each of them showed things worse than they were before.  At the end it was about as bad as it could be. Once that happened, things got less stressful.  Rock bottom is a very freeing place.  Expectations were ridiculously low.  If I put my dirty socks in the hamper, I was a hero.  There was a months-long, ...

It's been too damn long since I put something up here.  My bad.  There are a bunch of reasons why, but mostly I've been busy. Happily, exhaustedly busy. First off, I'm back at work.  I took a day in December to get all the administrative stuff sorted out and to remember what the inside of an OR looks like.   It had been a while since I'd seen one (except as a patient) and I wanted to make sure I remembered how everything works.  Thankfully, I'm still a safe, competent practitioner and the little things are all coming back.  I've been working full time since January and even taking call. I really missed it. Working full time after a year of sitting on my  ass  sofa is exhausting, but the work, the company, the patients (and the paycheck) are very welcome.  Being productive and having a routine is just what I needed.  If I don't push myself I won't get stronger.  To help with the getting stronger, I joined the team of...

Welcome to my penultimate poisoning!  I'm sitting in the windowless infusion room getting my next-to-last dose of chemotherapy.  They're playing Christmas music.  It seems like they should be able to poison me OR play Christmas music before Thanksgiving, but not both.  First 🦃, then 🎄 This chemo is the same stuff I took back in March and April and it still sucks. 🤢   Today is the hookup day for dose four out of five.  I will be disconnected from my last dose in 16 days! 😮  But who's counting? 🙄   The hardest part of post-op chemo is that it's probably not doing anything.  I'll explain in bit. First, the pathology report from the big surgery in August was good and bad.  I had "clean margins" which means that the entire rectal tumor was removed.  Also, there was only one tumor in the removed liver lobe.  According to the scans and surgeon, my cancer is gone. 👍 The bad news is that despite chemother...

This post is gross.  Seriously.  Totally disgusting.  Does poop make you gag?  Stop reading. The Worst Birthday Present Ever My brother and I holding a poop bag filled with chocolate pudding given to him (by me) for his birthday. He should NOT read this kind of post. I write this kind of post. What the hell is an ileostomy ?  It's when the surgeon diverts your small intestine into a plastic bag glued to your abdomen.  It's done to give the rest of the colon a break from poop while the sutures heal.  If there were a teeny, tiny leak at the suture site and an itsy, bitsy amount of poop got into my abdomen, that would be bad.  How bad?  Think catastrophic complications including sepsis, death, permanent  colostomy  and other shitty 😜 things. Speaking of shitty things, lets talk about the logistics.  Nobody takes the time to appreciate poop.  They sit on the toilet, open their phone and wait for things to b...

I haven't posted anything in a while.  Sorry.  Several times I wrote part of a post... then put it aside.  I kept opening it, and then closing it.  I haven't been in a mental place where I could finish and publish it.  Surgery took a lot out of me (get it?) and I'm still recovering. Before & After - Rainbow Version May 2014 & August 2017 It's been over two months since the first surgery.  I was delusional regarding the impact and the time it would take to heal.  I had no idea recovery would be so slow, painful and gross.  I also hadn't planned on having a bag of poop glued to my abdomen for a month.  Surprise! Looking back, the days leading up to surgery are a total blur.  The eye of the storm was a fantastic time but it was also incredibly hectic.  I wanted to accomplish Everything before surgery.  The reality is I was terrified and freaking out but trying to be cool and be a good dad and be a good husband an...

Hurricanes have a dot in the center where there are no clouds, no wind, and no rain.  When a hurricane travels directly over you, there is a brief, sunny pause in the mayhem and destruction.  Then the calm passes and the storm resumes.  That dot is known as the eye of the storm. If cancer and treatment is a hurricane, then right now is the eye of the storm.  In the past: chemotherapy and radiation.  In the future: chemotherapy and surgery.  But right now I'm in the middle of an unpoisoned, uncut, unstabbed, sunny stretch of freedom.  The symptoms from the tumor are gone.  Chemo and radiation have shrunk it down and now the pipes don't get clogged. 💩  The symptoms from chemo and radiation have also faded. ☢️  I no longer feel like I've spent the last week eating vindaloo and jalapeños. 🌶 Chemotherapy is like banging your head against a brick wall... it feels really good when you stop.  Right now I feel great! Shenanigans! ...

I've had a half-written post in front of me for weeks.  It took that long for me to figure out why I couldn't seem to write something decent.  A month after trying to write this post, I've figured out what the problems were.  I'm determined to post this just to break through the block, but I don't think it's going to be any good. First, chemotherapy is making me dumber.  Everybody has that moment where they can't remember a word.  Luckily, it wasn't a common occurrence for me.  My problem wasn't finding the words to express myself... it was what I chose to express and when and where and to whom. 👞→👄 I even used big words like colloquialism and schadenfreude.  These days, I can't go more than a few hours without reaching for a word and coming up empty.  It's terrifying and I devoutly hope it's temporary.  Note: 'devoutly' isn't quite the right word.  Neither is 'sincerely'.  The correct choice eludes me.  At least ...