Happy Anniversary
It's been too damn long since I put something up here. My bad. There are a bunch of reasons why, but mostly I've been busy.
Happily, exhaustedly busy.
First off, I'm back at work. I took a day in December to get all the administrative stuff sorted out and to remember what the inside of an OR looks like. It had been a while since I'd seen one (except as a patient) and I wanted to make sure I remembered how everything works. Thankfully, I'm still a safe, competent practitioner and the little things are all coming back. I've been working full time since January and even taking call.
I really missed it.
Working full time after a year of sitting on myass sofa is exhausting, but the work, the company, the patients (and the paycheck) are very welcome. Being productive and having a routine is just what I needed. If I don't push myself I won't get stronger. To help with the getting stronger, I joined the team of volunteers getting The Fort swim club up and running. And I'm redoing our bathroom (which I started over a year ago). And in my spare time I think I'm going to work on my Spanish. Oh yeah... I'm also trying to take back some of the household stuff from my rockstar wife who kept the whole house running for a year.
Life is hectic and suburban and boring. Gymnastics and swim team and play dates and date nights and that light bulb needs changing and the hot water isn't working...
I love it.
So life is pretty darn normal... which doesn't feel real.
Just between you and me, I never expected my scan to come back clean. I hadn't had a good test result since I took my anesthesia boards in 2013. I didn't plan for a bad result. I went through the motions, getting clearance, submitting paperwork, blah blah blah. You know... all the things you do when you're pretending you're not gonna be dead soon.
Because I knew the scan was gonna find more cancer.
I was surprised when it didn't. I still don't completely believe it.
I'm convinced the scan in March will be positive. It doesn't really change anything and there's nothing I can do between now and then. Besides, I'm really, really good at Denial. So I do all the things everyone does... except sometimes I hear the clock ticking.
Don't make that face. There are plenty of upsides. For one, it's extraordinarily motivational. Instead of Jiminy Cricket, I get The Grim Reaper saying "Don't put that off because you might be dead soon."
Sure it's a little dark, but it beats "When You Wish Upon A Star". 😜
On a lighter note, did I mention that today (February 28th) is the one year anniversary of my diagnosis? One year ago I was recovering from my colonoscopy, face down on a stretcher, farting up a storm, when the doctor came over and told us it was cancer. That sucked.
So today, I kept my oldest daughter out of school and we went skiing. At lunch she said that today is our family's personal 9/11. That girl is a genius. Now we're home and I'm sore and wind burnt and as soon as I'm done typing this I'm gonna have a beer (or five).
One more thing before the beer: after reading this you are gonna see me at the grocery store, at work, in the back of a squad car or another of my hangouts. When you see me, don't burst my bubble.
This whole Denial thing only works if people (you know who you are) aren't making boo-boo face at me. I'm good. I've always done better under pressure.
Happily, exhaustedly busy.
First off, I'm back at work. I took a day in December to get all the administrative stuff sorted out and to remember what the inside of an OR looks like. It had been a while since I'd seen one (except as a patient) and I wanted to make sure I remembered how everything works. Thankfully, I'm still a safe, competent practitioner and the little things are all coming back. I've been working full time since January and even taking call.
I really missed it.
Working full time after a year of sitting on my
Life is hectic and suburban and boring. Gymnastics and swim team and play dates and date nights and that light bulb needs changing and the hot water isn't working...
I love it.
So life is pretty darn normal... which doesn't feel real.
Just between you and me, I never expected my scan to come back clean. I hadn't had a good test result since I took my anesthesia boards in 2013. I didn't plan for a bad result. I went through the motions, getting clearance, submitting paperwork, blah blah blah. You know... all the things you do when you're pretending you're not gonna be dead soon.
Because I knew the scan was gonna find more cancer.
I was surprised when it didn't. I still don't completely believe it.
I'm convinced the scan in March will be positive. It doesn't really change anything and there's nothing I can do between now and then. Besides, I'm really, really good at Denial. So I do all the things everyone does... except sometimes I hear the clock ticking.
Don't make that face. There are plenty of upsides. For one, it's extraordinarily motivational. Instead of Jiminy Cricket, I get The Grim Reaper saying "Don't put that off because you might be dead soon."
Sure it's a little dark, but it beats "When You Wish Upon A Star". 😜
On a lighter note, did I mention that today (February 28th) is the one year anniversary of my diagnosis? One year ago I was recovering from my colonoscopy, face down on a stretcher, farting up a storm, when the doctor came over and told us it was cancer. That sucked.
So today, I kept my oldest daughter out of school and we went skiing. At lunch she said that today is our family's personal 9/11. That girl is a genius. Now we're home and I'm sore and wind burnt and as soon as I'm done typing this I'm gonna have a beer (or five).
 |
| A good look for me... obscured. |
This whole Denial thing only works if people (you know who you are) aren't making boo-boo face at me. I'm good. I've always done better under pressure.
So happy you have made this milestone..
ReplyDeleteplease turn these blogs into a book, you write so well and so real
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on passing the milestone. Your pal Ray Hopkins asked his Teammates from his running group to swing by and pass along some love.... get ready, here it comes.
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping for more milestones and fewer break ins. And people who litter suck.
Congrats on the clean scan! Wishing you all the best in your return to work and more good health news! ....sending much good juju from Team CMMD!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the clean scan! Wishing you all the best in your return to work and more good health news! ....sending much good juju from Team CMMD!
ReplyDeleteHi Chris. I found your blog from seeing a postcard on a Wawa bulletin board a while back. I'm relieved to hear that recent scans have come back clean!! When I saw your blog, it brought to mind how I came to believe in God and in what Jesus did millennia ago. I feared death a lot back then, and was coming to terms with mortality and the fact that there was nothing I could take with me. I needed to know everything was gonna be okay, and that someone would be there for me, even through death. Growing up I remembered learning that God is love, and that Christ died for all the ways I failed to love others who are suffering unfairly and instead decided to be selfish. I remember learning about how he was resurrected, so that we all can have hope that we will be resurrected again one day. I really hope you find true hope during this time of Denial, and I'll be praying to God for you and your family, in Jesus' name.
ReplyDeleteJesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?” -- John 11:25-26
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever shall believe in him shall not die, but shall have everlasting life. -- John 3:16